A letter you were never supposed to stop receiving
Jenna
Your eyes
I've tried to describe your eyes to people who never met you.
I always fail.
There isn't a word for that green.
But I remember how it felt when you looked at me.
Like I was understood in a way I hadn't been before.
I'm still chasing that feeling.
The first time I saw you, something in me went quiet. It hasn't been that quiet since.
The small things
I remember the small things.
The way you used to tuck your hair behind your ear when you were thinking.
The way you laughed when I said something stupid.
The way you said my name.
I thought those details would fade with time.
They haven't.
Not even a little.
I've forgotten a lot of things. I've never forgotten you.
The distance
There are more than three thousand kilometers between us now.
I've thought about closing them a hundred times.
Booking the flight.
Writing to you.
Showing up.
Every time I stopped myself, because I didn't know if you'd want me to.
But I've wanted to.
Every day.
There are still conversations I have with you in my head.
The truth
I don't think about you sometimes.
I think about you constantly.
When something good happens, you're the first person I want to tell.
When something bad happens, you're the one I wish was next to me.
I tried to move on.
I really did.
I don't think I can.
You were the best thing that ever happened to me. I should have told you more.
If this reaches you
I don't know what this is.
Maybe it's a mistake.
Maybe you'll read it and feel nothing.
Maybe you'll close it and forget.
That's okay.
I just needed you to know.
I never stopped thinking about you.
Not for a single day.
And I don't think I ever will.
yours, always. Tomás.